Ah Blue………..

Ha…i finally got my blog…at

www.puayki.blogspot.com

byebye friendster Blog!

Its been a long road…almost one and a half years? Its kindof funny since we have not even embarked on the trip yet.

I am not very sure what make me wanna go Cambodia. Maybe it was the YEP that Hazel they all went. Maybe it was the Angkor Wat photos that Lawrence Chin showed once during lecture. Maybe it was the stories of Khmer Rougue that i read sometime back. But the idea is, from year 1 till now i think i missed out 3 YEP trips….MISSED OUT…i mean i kindof didn’t really notice but the first one was Nigel’s team who went to Yunnan…i was IN the team ok….but i miss out coz i got Orchestra…most importantly, i don’t have money.

Then the second trip was with Soka….don’t know why i wasn’t chosen but i missed out the third one as well coz i was going switzerland that year(Soka even called me and asked if i wanna go, since they missed me out the year before). So it kindof got dragged to year 4. Then i remember i was deciding whether i should go Alps or not, coz it cost $1900 to go Pilatus, town and Alps, and $800 for Pilatus and town…then i told my mum i rather save it up for Cambodia…yea…thats why i had such high hopes for this YEP loh.

If i remember i missed out MPX2 last year as well….:P i kinof missed out the IVLE annousement till it was too late….?

Anyway….earlier this year (august), i signed up for NVAC and Rotarats trip coz you know when you’re a year 4, your chances are not too high coz most year 4s are paracites? And the funniest part is, i missed out Rotaracts Welcome tea and the first interview. I kindof thought this is really gone case liao. So i had high hopes for NVAC….till they tell me they will have R&R one day to vietnam? Kindof funny right.

There are so many things on my mind. There was my module that i almost dropped coz the exam is on the 8th Dec…and i got news that the guys are flying on the 4th? Thanks Nigel for the pep talk…..yes Nigel i am pretty determined ain’t i? It kindof paid off right? I still have’t forgiven you for giving up on the Bhutan trip. I still think that you should have taken it up.

Lots of things happened lah….i thought this trip will be good for me to sort a few things out myself? Relationship, family, people, money, profession and myself…It will be really good.

I still don’t know how i made it past the interview….on first impression i thought YM didn’t think i as a candidate. I thought YT looked like Ms Goon…..Ms Goon sure suan me and say something like i’ll skin up even more in Cambodia or something. I was quite amazed i made it…..i felt like i won project runway..kindof….you know…you felt its like almost impossible but you really want it….you give all you have.

Finally the plane thingy got settled, interview got settled, module got settled, money got settled but immunisation still not settled.

I mean i am scared of needles…..there’s typhoid (1), tetenus (1), flu (1), Hep A (2) and B (3). I got my Hep B 5 years ago but after one blood test, doc say no antibodies AT ALL, which is weird coz everyone will have at least some…a little….but mine is NIL. So he said either i am non-respondant, means he give me a hundred jab also no use, or i am a carrier. So i went for ANOTHER blood test…which still show negative, but least i am NOT a Hep B carrier.

So on Monday, doc gave me my flu shot, which is still swollen now, and my Hep B booster…then he said….you better go home and PRAY that you produce ANTI-BODIES…which is what i did.

So my shot will sort of build up to 11 needles? (6 down, 5 to go)

I am pretty amazed that everything went ok, i am amazed that i can take 11 shots even though last time take 1 shot i also kao peh kao bu.

But i really appreciate whatever that is going on now, even thought things are still blur blur. Its like my career in front, or being an assistant district……you won’t know what is in front of you. But you know that somehow where there’s everyone, there’s NUSSD, there’s gohonzon, There’s always shoten zenjin. everything’s gonna be ok. Coz there No matter what obstacles i may face, its gonna be ok. I must have the right ichinen. Must do human revolution too….hee (very lazy).

Like siewkuang say loh…when things comes easily people won’t appreciate it….then she say i sure got a lot of things to share when i get back…yah.

Bigger challenge in front right. Packing, exams……

try try try loh….

next year is my members’ time loh…

Siew Kuang remember our challenge?

lets really fulfill it before i grad ah….

if not its considered a failure in NUSSD le ah…..

Little thoughts

Stuck in the spot

Burning desires

quenched by fire

Good beginnings

Unpredictable endings

Catching Time

Running through my fingers

Indifferent

Trying

Not enough

Never enough

Not endowed?

Not Given?

Talent

Hidden?

Racing against time

Sleeping in evasion

Oppositions of tension?

Maybe

Sensing? Oversensing?

Cheating? Cheated.

Brain. Heart. Trusted? Awakened?

Confused?

Unsure?

Unseen?

Pray.

You’ll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You’ll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we walk in fields of gold
So she took her love for to gaze awhile
Upon the fields of barley
In his arms she fell as her hair came down
Among the fields of gold

Many years have passed since those summer days
Among the fields of barley
See the children run as the sun goes down
Among the fields of gold
You’ll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in fields of gold
When we walked in fields of gold
When we walked in fields of gold

Hazy days, pen untouched

swirling clouds of my mind

confused and appalled

subtle and coded

i saw a smile and a light, once forgotten

my hair that was cut

before and after

brings guns and fire

would payback be more than i imagine?

Is it Winter after the long forgotten Autumn?

Oh i suddenly sort of suddenly miss my Chinese Orchestra. NUS Chinese Orchestra that is……i was listening to Nan Wang de puo shui jie (the unforgettable water festival) and Man Xiang Shui Xiang (The Manchurian something… :P)..

Yah my year two pieces…so nice!

I don’t like my year three concert pieces and those of Surabranium….he’s a waste of money…argh…..i would rather spend the money going overseas..so sian that time….flu for one week and spoil my entire concert!

After i stop my cello for two months…..my hands itchy le…like wanna play somemore…but dunno can go for my concert next year….ah…what a waste…i got my red suit but never got a chance to wear it…

maybe i should sell my suit jieying….but

Oh i miss NUS Chinese Orchestra….but they going for exam break le leh!

sigh

see how lah..

Yesterday i went night cycling.

We started from East Coast Park, cycle up to Bedok, Bedok Res Road along Soka Kindergarden and to Tampines Central. Then We cycle down Tampines road that connects to Punggol/Hougang.

That road went downhill and this guy Justin went so fast that he hit a rut and WHAM….fractured his collarbone. Man i hope he’s ok. It could have been any of us. I was just behind him and imagine if anyone fell in front of me. At that speed all of us sure kena. Luckily he didn’t hit his head. That bloody rut loh! Its just sway. The entire road…..all roads were smooth except for one bloody rut.

So the thing is, there’re danger to everything. That night cycling is like one of the most dangerous thing i have done this past few years, cycling by the road. Half the time i was afraid i will be killed my a car that can’t see me. I got nervous everytime a car passes me. The other half i was afraid i hit a rut like Justin and that spells the end of my Cambodia trip. If my ma know really what happen she’d have sceam at me. But then my ma is so used to my tactics. I think my auntie is the one would have bloody scream. My ma is like "be more careful"…..hmmm…

But i got scream at anyway that morning.

Maybe one day you would be surprised if i died in my bed. I predict that i would died far from my own bed coz i am pretty reckless many-a-time.

But in life, would you stay at home all the time to avoid all dangers? To me i feel like trying a lot of things, to leave some memories for the day i grow old and get confined somewhere. Can you imagine that you have such a boring life and if people ask you what you did when you were young..you can’t say?

The day i get confined to my bed will be the day i be an artist! Then i’ll open a gallery. Thats when i’m 75 maybe. Or 90??

Last time i went OBS Sea Ex my shoulder F***ing hurts loh, then for the Uniquely Singapore Race my thighs, leg muscle burns like mad. For this cycling trip, despite the fact we cycled from 11pm to 5am, with about 2 hours breaks in between, i feel nothing except my ankle muscle that almost got killed due to the pedalling. I think Lance Armstrong has got metals as lingaments. Now i know cycling is pretty useless to work on your bi, tri and quadri. I still swear on the good old jogging.

I still feels pretty dead.

I rise upon the golden light
scents of roses in the air
quintessence of dust swirling
snowdust with a frosty feeling

Why, life has its bed of nails
with endless schoolwork, problems and bills
But when every sunset brings along its golden light
Imagine; Its time to take flight!

Anger

The Glass Shatters:

My heart bleeds

out of my knuckles

.

.

The Solitary Man

The Solitary Man:

His headphone

screams itself hoarse